Jack placed the last
requisition form on top of the growing stack already residing in his
out-box with exaggerated care. After all, the SGC would in all
probability cease operations without its monthly supply of toilet
paper.
'Walter lied like a rug; he knew I'd be doing
those toilet paper requisitions today, along with the ones for women's
feminine hygiene supplies, paper clips, and C-4. Who knew they used so
much, for crying out loud?'
'The other things, not the explosive. In my
opinion there's no such thing as too much C-4. Too bad I can't use it to
blow away my current enemy, all this danged paperwork . . . in
triplicate no less! Crap.'
He chuckled and shook his
head at his less than charitable thoughts toward the oh-so-important
task he was doing as well as his minder, Walter O'Radar. What was that
saying about how even the ones who do the paperwork also serve?
'Well, I still think it's
crap . . . important crap that needs to be done, but still
crap.'
General O'Neill leaned
back in his chair and ran his hands over the back of his head and ended
by massaging the back of his neck. He had gotten a lot accomplished this
morning though. That in itself felt good, not anywhere near as good as
going through the Gate and being able to leave all this paper trail
behind, but good nonetheless.
He'd checked on Carter a
couple of hours ago and had been informed that she'd been kept in the
Infirmary due to dehydration and just plain being worn out. That's what
the Doc had said anyway. That hadn't come as a shock to Jack, he'd
suspected that she hadn't been coping well with their previous
misadventures and had whole-heartedly approved her continued stay there.
However, his half-formed plan to pay her a visit had been nixed when the
Doc told him that Carter was sleeping and wasn't to be disturbed.
He rubbed his forehead in
an attempt to massage away the beginnings of a headache.
'At least I don't have to worry about whether
or not this Carter's real or the replicator one. I really doubt that the
Techno-bitch would bother with puking up her toenails. That wouldn't be
her style. Plus, they've got at least one IV stuck in Sam, which
automatically rules out any Replicators. There is no way a Bug person
could pass that test. Nope, it's the real Sam Carter down there all
right.'
'Now I'm so glad that I already talked her
into seeing Kay. Speaking of which, that's who I'm supposed to see next,
according to Walter, that is.'
Jack pushed back from his
desk and stood, with fingers interlaced, and stretched his long arms
high above his head until he heard his joints pop. He grunted as he
lowered his arms and stepped from behind his massive desk, one that
separated him from the rest of the personnel assigned to the SGC,
literally as well as figuratively. Drumming his fingers on the wood
surface as he passed around it, he considered how he'd gotten there, and
whether he'd do it all over again, given the chance.
Today, he wasn't so sure.
All he knew was that he felt worn out, tired beyond imagining and
totally inadequate to the job. Sure, he liked being in the Air Force,
being an officer and as for the SGC, it was the best assignment he'd
ever had. But being the top dog, the big cheese, 'The Man' was a whole
other story. On days like this, he really missed being able to step
through the Gate with his team and getting down and dirty on another
world. What he would give to leave Earth and all it's problems
behind.
Plus, he suspected that
he might be joining Carter in the Infirmary soon if he wasn't careful.
When the Doc had asked him very some pointed questions about his own
state of health, he'd managed to come up with some vague answers that,
while they weren't out and out lies, weren't exactly the whole truth
either.
In fact, he'd been kind
of proud of one of his statements. When the Doc had asked him how the
protein shakes tasted, he'd told her that they'd gone down just fine.
And they had . . . he'd just neglected to tell her that they'd gone down
the crapper.
'It's all in the details.'
Still, to be on the safe
side, he'd had Walter fetch him some Froot Loops and he'd even managed
to down most of a bowl of them before they got too soggy. Not exactly
the most nutritious meal he could've had, but the box did say that it
had fruit flavors. Right? So what if the flavors came out of a bottle
with a chemical name that would make Daniel stutter? They would've
tasted better though if his gut didn't have such a knot in it and he
didn't feel like puking all the time.
He realized he was pacing
back and forth in his office and stopped himself with an effort.
Checking his watch, he noted he had about five minutes before his
appointment with Kay. To tell you the truth, he was kind of looking
forward to this interview, he had the feeling that the female counselor
would take her duties of facilitating the emotional well-being of the
personnel at the SGC quite seriously and he hoped to sic her on Carter
ASAP.
Although she'd tried to
hide it from him, Jack had been aware that Carter was falling behind in
her work due to her increasing difficulty in dealing with the aftermath
of Fifth's attentions to her. The sooner that Sam could talk about her
issues with someone she trusted, the better for her and ultimately, the
SGC and the Air Force.
Walter's knock on the
door brought him back to reality. "Sir? Kay Dow is here to see you."
The Sergeant looked
worried, but then he always looked that way. Seems he'd taken on the
duty of keeping the SGC's newest CO on-track and on schedule. Jack
couldn't help but wonder if Walter had regrets about what he did, if his
new boss was measuring up to the gargantuan task of defending Earth
against the rest of the galaxy.
"Thank you, Walter. I've
been expecting her. We'll meet in the Briefing Room." He paused for a
beat. "Did you bring the donuts?"
Jack stuck a smile on his
face and followed Walter out of his office. This was one meeting that
should be a piece of cake. Then providing he could elude Walter and his
ubiquitous schedule book, he could meet Teal'c in the gym for a
workout.
Walter frowned and
checked the schedule book. "Donuts, sir?" The white-haired Sergeant
planted himself in the General's path.
"Of course, donuts.
Everyone knows that shrinks can't operate without donuts." Jack smirked
and raised one eyebrow. "Didn't you get the memo?"
Walter looked doubtful.
"No, sir. I didn't. Just when did this memo go out?" He shifted to one
side, a reproving glare on his face. "You know protocol says all memos
go through me, sir."
Jack tried to sidle past
his aide, but failed when Walter matched his moves. "Dang, I'd forgotten
that." He shrugged and tried to look innocent. "Walter, can't keep the
shrink waiting. I've heard they get cranky when they have to wait."
"Uh, yes, sir. And I'll
have some donuts sent up." Carrying his schedule book like a shield,
Walter sighed and then left the room, moving like a man on a mission of
utmost importance.
Jack looked up when he
heard a good-natured chuckle. It had come from Kay. He studied her as he
took his seat at the head of the table. She looked nervous, which was
understandable as she seated herself and laid the files in her arms on
the table in front of her.
Her salt and pepper hair
was worn short in what used to be called a pageboy. It framed a pale
careworn face half-covered with thick glasses. The dark blue eyes looked
intelligent and he had cause to know that they took in and analyzed
everything they saw. Her eyes were lit with a hint of wicked humor.
"You had him going there,
sir. " Kay folded her hands in front of her and looked as if she were
giving him the once over. Come to think of it, she probably was. "You
like doing that, don't you?"
Taken aback, Jack
resorted to old ways of dealing with the unknown and plastered a blank
look on his face. "What?"
Kay rolled her eyes and
leveled a glare at him. "Don't try the dumb act on me, sir. I know you
too well."
Jack shrugged and said
nothing, waiting to see where she would take their conversation. Her
next words would tell him much about her ability to adjust to the
unusual work environment at his base.
The petite counselor
pushed her glasses back up her nose and sighed with a hint of
exasperation. "I know you care about your people, sir. And I know how
extremely intelligent and capable you are." She paused and tilted her
head. "Do you realize how much Walter idolizes you?"
Jack relaxed, her answer
had satisfied him. She would fit in. That didn't mean he had to answer
her question though, one of the perks of being 'The Man'.
"So . . . you've seen
through me, either that or you've read my folder."
The counselor smiled.
"Actually, both. I spent the morning being briefed by Dr. McKenzie and
going through several personnel files. Dr. McKenzie and I both agree
that there are several people who are in need of my services."
Jack smiled and rubbed
his hands together. "I like it when you get down to business right off
the bat, Kay. I know of at least one person who could use a session with
a good shrink." He spread his hands. "Shall we compare names?"
"That's the way I
operate, sir. I prefer to get down to the brass tacks, especially when
it comes to insuring the emotional well-being of the people at this
facility. I take my job very seriously, sir and want to do my best for
my patients."
"Glad to hear that, Kay."
He gestured to the files. "You said you have names?"
Kay picked up the first
file and opened it. "Yes, sir. Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. She appears
to be suffering all the classic symptoms of PTSD." She paused and looked
over the tops of her glasses at Jack. "That's Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder."
Jack nodded so she
continued. "I understand she is in the Infirmary due to dehydration. I
believe these problems are a direct result of her emotional distress."
He folded his hands in
front of him. "I couldn't agree with you more, Kay. In fact, I was
talking to Carter this morning and she agreed to see you."
Kay smiled her approval.
"I see you're keeping track of your people. I can't say as I'm surprised
about that. I'll put her on my schedule for this afternoon, pending
clearance from the MD, of course."
"Of course." He paused. "Who else?"
Kay nodded and closed the
file and picked up another one. "Yes, sir. In fact, the next one has me
really concerned. You see, sir . . ." She raised her eyes from the file
and looked across the table at Jack. "He's in a position of
responsibility, and has a past history of psychological trauma. In fact,
he's exhibiting many of the same symptoms as Colonel Carter."
Jack shrugged. "So? What's the problem?"
"So far, he's resisted
any and all attempts to get him the help he needs. However, his physical
and emotional states continue to deteriorate. I'm really worried about
him, sir."
Jack sighed. "Have him sent to me, I'll order him to see you and
cooperate. Will that help?"
Kay looked uncomfortable. "I don't think so, sir."
Jack frowned. "Why not?
If I tell him to see you, he will. End of story." He cocked his head to
one side and rubbed his chin. "Who is this shrub who doesn't know what's
good for him?"
Kay paused and then
blurted it out. "It's you, sir."
No one spoke for a
moment. Jack was stunned; his mind ran in circles, like a mouse inside
an exercise wheel, frenetic energy that got him nowhere. Who'd ratted on
him? He wasn't that bad off, was he?
"You're kidding, right?"
Kay thinned her lips and looked stubborn. "No, I'm not."
Jack scrubbed his face
with one hand. "Don't you think I'd know if I needed help, Kay?"
The petite counselor
brushed her hair behind one ear and frowned. "With your history? No,
sir, I don't."
"Well, I think I'm doing
just fine." He glared at her but she didn't look away. "Who else do you
want to see?"
Kay's eyebrows knitted
together as she continued to lock eyes with his. "Sir, why did you ask
me to work here?"
Taken aback by her change
of topic, Jack paused for a moment. "I knew we needed someone like you
that my people could talk to when things got rough. Someone they could
trust to help them sort things out."
"So let me do my job, sir."
Jack looked away. "I am,
Kay. I just don't agree with you this time. So, just forget about it,"
he growled.
"I would if I could, sir,
but I can't." She tilted her head to one side and chuckled. "I think an
excellent cliche for this would be 'what's good for the goose is good
for the gander'."
Jack looked stubborn and
led with his chin. "What's your point, Kay? I haven't all day to waste
on this crap. Move on to the next case." He sighed. "Besides, you know
how I hate cliches."
"If the shoe fits, sir .
. . " Kay exhaled noisily and looked down at the files. "I was really
looking forward to doing this job, General. But if you don't back me up,
there's no sense of me even being here." She turned her gaze on Jack.
"They say that a good leader leads by example."
Jack hefted an eyebrow. "And?"
She tilted her head back,
as if in challenge. "So lead them, sir. Your people can see that you're
having a rough time. They're worried about you, and if they think that
you don't trust me with your feelings, then why should they?"
"But I do trust you."
"Then come see me this
afternoon. I could make it an order from General Hammond, but would
prefer to see you on a volunteer basis."
Jack swallowed heavily as
bile rose in his throat, scalding his esophagus. Lowering his head, he
rubbed his forehead with his palms. "It's not that easy," he
whispered.
The counselor tapped the
table top with the tip of her pen for emphasis, the metallic clicking
sounding unusually loud and . . . ominous, at least to Jack.
"Of course it isn't." Kay
sighed and continued on in a soft gentle voice. "But in order for you to
do your job, to function and take care of your people, you need to be at
your best."
As she continued Jack
looked up, his eyes bleak. "You're not at your best, sir. I'd be lying
if I told you that you were, and I told you all those years ago that I'd
always be honest with you. Didn't I?"
"Yes." Jack's face had paled and his voice croaked.
"Have I lied to you yet?"
Jack shook his head to
clear it as the Briefing Room faded away. Kay's voice echoed in the
chamber where he'd been when Fifth had him . . . and Carter. Nothing
else seemed to exist but that chamber crawling with bugs and Kay's
voice. Her words were almost drowned out by the whirring and clicking of
replicators.
Kay quietly slid her
chair back and slipped around closer to Jack. "Jack? Where are you
now?"
Brown eyes were fixed and staring straight ahead. "With Fifth,"
Jack answered in a flat, dull voice.
"I'd like you to come back here now. Can you do that?"
She watched closely as
Jack blinked his eyes and started, clear signs that awareness of the
here and now had returned to him.
Kay stood by Jack's side,
careful not to touch him or come within striking distance. "Welcome
back, sir. Thought I'd lost you there for a second."
Jack's brow wrinkled. "What happened?"
"You had a flashback.
Something I suspect has been happening all too often lately." She pursed
her lips. "Am I right?"
Clearly embarrassed, Jack
bent his head away from Kay. "Guess so."
Kay nodded. "I'll keep my
schedule open for you today, sir. I'll check with Walter for the best
time to see you."
Jack still seemed dazed. "Sure, that'd be great."
Kay settled back into her
chair. "I think I'll wait here with you, make a note in my files. It'll
give you a chance to catch your breath."
Jack scrubbed his face
with his hands and shook his head as if to clear it. "Yeah, okay." He
sounded weary, in mind, body and spirit.
While keeping an eye on
Jack, the counselor made a few notations in his file. After a few
moments, Kay noticed he became more active and showed signs of
restlessness, his eyes roving around the room and shuffling his feet
under the table.
She took the lead. "I
guess I'd better get back to my office. Still got lots of settling in to
do."
Jack grimaced and offered a wan smile with a wave
of his hand. "Sure, see ya later."
***
Kay gathered up her files
and walked toward the door knowing that O'Neill watched her every move.
Stopping, she looked back, and let concern flow across her face. "I
certainly hope so, sir." Then she smirked; her eyes alight with
suppressed mirth. "Besides, you still owe me donuts. Shrinks can't do
their shrink thingamajig without those things, ya know. Wouldn't want to
get me cranky, would you?"
Jack responded with a
ghost of a grin, but at least it was there. "You aren't related to
someone named Fraiser, are you?"
Kay cradled the files
against her chest as she considered his question. "If it's who I think
it is, then the answer is no." Her face grew pensive. "But from what
I've read about her, she was one hell of a lady, one I wish I could've
met."
Jack's lips thinned. "You
remind me of her, that's all. She was a little bitty thing, about your
size, but man, when she spoke, you'd better listen. Ruled the Infirmary
like a power-mad Napoleon but had the most heart and compassion that
I've ever seen in anyone." He sighed with regret. "And yes, she was one
hell of a lady, one we all miss."
The mood had grown somber
again, something the counselor didn't want. There would be plenty of
that later in the day, and she felt the need to leave her client with a
bit of laughter in his heart.
"You won't forget the donuts, will you?" Kay asked.
Jack rolled his eyes.
"For crying out loud, Kay. There is no way I want a cranky shrink,
especially if she's planning to do her mumbo-jumbo thing on my head
later today." He grinned. "You'll get your donuts if I have to deliver
them myself."
She grinned triumphantly.
"Excellent. I'm glad we understand each other."
Walter appeared in the
door in front of her, his arms full of a tray with assorted sugar-glazed
pastries.
Kay's eyes lit up as her
mouth watered. Her rumbling stomach sounded loud in the room and her
eyes widened in surprise at how her body had betrayed her. Still, she
hadn't had time for breakfast this morning and she was hungry. Plus she
happened to love donuts.
Jack pushed himself away
from the table and straightened, as smirk on his face. "Walter." His
voice broke the silence, once more sounding confident, the leader of the
SGC. "You're just the man I wanted to see."
Walter maneuvered around
Kay with his tray. "Sir?"
Jack covered the ground
separating him from his goal. "I have a mission of utmost importance for
you." He rubbed his hands together with seeming glee. "Our new shrink
has confirmed that she does get cranky and that the only known cure for
this is donuts. Since our meeting is over, I'm ordering you to complete
Operation 'Cranky Shrink'. Your mission, and you'd better accept it, is
to deliver said donuts to her office."
Walter looked stunned.
"Take no prisoners,
Walter. I know you won't let me down." With that enigmatic statement
Jack swept past both Kay and Walter and headed out of the Briefing Room
at a fast walk.
Frowning, Walter
exchanged a glance with Kay and hefted the laden tray in her direction.
"Donut?"
Kay shrugged and gave
shifted her hold on the files. "Kind of got my hands full right now, but
I would love one."
"After you then, ma'am."
Kay smiled as she exited
the room. Jack was nowhere to be found. "Is he always like this?"
The white-haired Sergeant
looked guarded. "What do you mean?"
She shifted the files to
one arm, perching them off one slender hip. "So, charismatic, so full of
life and contradictions."
He nodded. "Yes, he is
all of that."
They had reached the
elevator and Kay used her keycard to open it, and then punched in the
number for her floor.
Kay and Walter had the
elevator to themselves; the smell of fresh donuts permeated the air in
the confined space. She sniffed in appreciation as her stomach once
again rumbled. Kay suppressed a giggle of embarrassment.
Walter responded with an
understanding grin. "Up early this morning, ma'am?"
Kay nodded. "Call me Kay,
please. Ma'am sounds like you're talking to my Mom."
"Okay, ma . . . um, Kay." He flushed.
Kay touched his arm.
"It's okay, old habits die hard, don't they?"
Walter nodded and watched
the floor indicator. "He's not like other men."
Kay's eyebrows shot
upwards, her head directed toward the Sergeant. "Really? What do you
mean by that?"
"General O'Neill just
isn't, that's all." He narrowed his eyes in obvious thought. "It's hard
to explain unless you've been there to watch him over the years."
"Help me to understand. Please?"
Walter looked
uncomfortable. "I don't know if I'm the right person to ask, ma'am.
Colonel Carter and Dr. Jackson, even Teal'c have been with him these
past eight years, sometimes twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
Especially when they've been off world, they spent all their time
together. Or used to before he got those stars."
Kay prodded gently. "They
don't spend as much time together now?"
The elevator chimed as
the doors opened, and they slid past others waiting to enter. Kay slowed
to allow Walter and his donuts to catch up with her as they headed for
her office.
He shook his head. "No,
they don't. Not since he got promoted off the team. Oh, they try, but
he's so busy and Colonel Carter has her duties, so it's just not as easy
for them to stick together. They were practically inseparable, doing
things together. The rest of the teams tried to emulate them, because
they were considered our good luck charm."
"Good luck charm?"
"Yeah. You see, people
die on missions sometimes. In fact, SG-1 was the only team that had all
it's original members, if you don't count the time that Dr. Jackson was
ascended for a year. So the rest of the teams tried to do everything
like General O'Neill did in the hopes that they'd get it right and
everybody would make it back alive."
"It didn't work though, did it?"
Walter looked down,
sorrow etched on his features as he shook his head. "No, it didn't.
We've lost a lot of people. Way too many."
Kay cocked her head. "Do
you have any ideas about what made SG-1 so lucky?"
Walter nodded decisively.
"It's all about who General O'Neill is. He really cares about his
people, not just the ones on his team, but all of us. He taught that to
his team members."
They'd reached Kay's door
and once again she swiped her keycard in the slot to open the door. As
the door opened, she turned the lights on and they flickered, and then
hummed as they shed bright fluorescent light over the contents of the
room. The office was small, containing her desk and chair, along with a
couple comfortable chairs grouped in a corner around a coffee table.
Kay sighed with
indecision as she looked about for a spot for Walter to lay down his
sugary burden.
Walter headed for the
coffee table. "How about here?" He set the tray down and stood back to
admire it.
Kay wasted no time and
grabbed a sugar-glazed donut, sinking her teeth into it. "Mmmm," she
groaned, her eyes closing in ecstasy. "I love these things. Do they make
them here?" She mumbled around a mouthful of donut.
Walter nodded proudly.
"Yes, they do. Every one of us face death all the time so the General
figures nothing is too good for the people who work here."
Kay gestured to the tray.
"You want one too? I feel selfish eating this while you're standing
there with nothing." When he hesitated she renewed her assault on what
she perceived as his weakening defenses. "No, I insist. Unless I miss my
guess, it's been awhile since you've eaten and I have the feeling that
your boss keeps you hopping. Besides there is no way I can eat all these
by myself." She sat in a chair and waved him to the other one.
She sucked the sugar
glaze off one finger and reached for a napkin. "You really admire him,
don't you?"
"Of course I do, ma'am.
He's given everything for us, has died for us. Anyone of us here would
do the same for him and never think twice about it."
Kay nibbled at her donut.
"That's funny, I get the feeling that he doesn't take advantage of that.
Almost as if he isn't aware of how you feel. Or is it that he doesn't
think he deserves that kind of respect?"
Walter took a bite of his
donut while he seemed to consider her question. "He's not big on
ceremony, never has been. Don't get me wrong; he's not perfect, far from
it. But I think that he truly doesn't believe he's earned our respect.
Although as far as I'm concerned, he's earned it and more. That's why I
. . . we look out for him." Walter leveled a serious gaze her way. "We
won't take kindly to anyone who messes with him."
Kay paused in her
devouring the donut and returned his look. "I understand what you're
trying to tell me, Walter." She paused. "Do you honestly think I would
hurt him?" She leaned forward, the donut temporarily forgotten in her
hand.
"Not on purpose, ma'am.
We can see that he's been having a tough time since the Asgard rescued
him from the Replicators. He doesn't always take well to seeing shrinks,
that's all." He paused. "Nothing against you, ma'am. We just don't want
him hurt any more than he already has."
"I don't either, Walter.
And I promise you that I will do my best for him, and everyone else I
see here. Is that good enough for you?"
He nodded and then stood.
"Yes, ma'am. It is. I just wanted to check you out, that's all."
"Of course, that is your
job, isn't it?" She smiled and licked her lips of the icing. "To look
after General O'Neill?"
"Yes, it is."
"One that you take extremely seriously?"
Walter stiffened with
pride. "Of course." He checked his watch. "Speaking of which, I'd better
get him out of the gym. His next meeting is in ten minutes."
Kay chuckled. "When he
tore out of that room, you knew where he was headed all the time didn't
you?"
He nodded and a superior
grin lit his face. "That's also my job, ma'am." He turned to go. "Thanks
for the snack."
"Any time. Oh, by the
way, the General needs to spend some time with me today, when would be a
good time?"
"I already made time for him to see you today at 1530 hours."
"Oh?"
He smirked and nodded.
"Of course, I was counting on you to convince him to see you today. It's
your job, isn't it?"
"Touché." Kay grinned and
bit her lip as she realized the Sergeant had outflanked her. "Yes it is.
One that I take very seriously." She gave him a mock glare. "Walter?" He
paused. "Did you check me out?"
"It's my job, ma'am. One
I take very seriously." He grinned and gave her a thumbs up before
leaving the room.
Kay shook her head in
bemusement as she considered the ramifications of their conversation.
"Guess I passed," she murmured. She bent down and snagged another donut,
a rectangular one with nuts embedded in the glaze this time.
Wrapping a napkin around
it, she headed over to her desk and opened a file. Kay knew she had a
lot of past history to catch up on before she saw her first client this
afternoon.
Seated in her high-backed
chair, she raised her eyes heavenward and smiled. "Thanks," she
whispered.
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