Stages of Life: Taking Care of Mom and Dad
By Donna K. Lay, MS, LPC, CCMHC

The Vow

"How can I go on without him?" The frail elderly woman sobbed, her head in her hands. Her grown daughter embraced her as she attempted to find the words to ease the tears and erase the pain. Sadly, she realized that there were none to speak, only the harsh reality they both faced.

Fifty-eight years ago, her parents stood before their kin and God and vowed to honor and cherish each other for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and to love each other until death parted them.

And they had kept that vow, through bad times and good - but never counted on the tragedy of Alzheimer's - a scourge that had destroyed the mind and soul of her beloved husband, leaving behind only a shadow of the man she loved.

In her youthful arrogance, the daughter had once believed she knew the definition of love - complete with romance, flowery phrases and passionate romps. It was later when she realized the truth, love between a man a woman had to be much more, if it were to last.

She had watched her parents in the past months, her mother increasingly fragile as she strove to care for her mate, even at the cost of her own health. Despite admonitions to cease her efforts, she continued to watch him, care for him, and love him, even at the near cost of her own life. When she repeatedly used her own thin body to prevent his collapse to the floor, none could convince her to do otherwise despite the risk that she would be crushed under his weight.

"How can I live without him by my side?" she asked tearfully.

"I don't know, Mom," the daughter answered sadly. "But we will get through this together."

With that promise came understanding as she made a silent solemn vow - she would cherish and care for her parents for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad, until death parted them from her. And she would do it for love.

04/05/2009

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